Monday, July 31, 2006

I had a dream last night about Adam and haven't been able to stop thinking about it today. I dream of him every so often and I'm so glad I do because I usually wake up feeling like I've had a visit with him. Usually in my dreams though, he is sick or I know he is going to die and won't be around for long, so I just want to hug and kiss him over and over. Last night I dreamed he was in some kind of institution and had been there for a long time. I went to visit him. I was feeling very bad for leaving him there for so long. (I think that long time represented the time that he has been gone from the earth). When I saw him, he was just laying in bed and was incoherent and I remember thinking his health was deteriorating and how could I have left him there for so long. I picked him up and hugged him for a long time. He was very soft and it felt so good to hug him, but I knew he was going to die soon. I decided to take him home with me to live and I still couldn't figure out why I had left him there, and I felt so awful for having done that. I loved him and missed him so. Why did I leave him in an institution? Why did I waste precious time of being with him that way? I just sat and held him at home. He felt so good and so sweet and he was so soft. But it was bittersweet because of my sorrow for wasting time and also that he was going to die. It seemed like the dream just went on and on that way and finally I woke up.

I really miss Adam today. Sure wish I could talk to him. It would be SO wonderful if I could.

5 comments:

Glenda, saved by grace said...

Maybe you've been thinking about my blog and Chad...You've pretty well summed up how I feel,
and the helplessness that I feel.Not meaning to take away the dream of Adam, but your blog just put to words ,my heart. I'm praying for you today!
Love ya,
Gendy

Carol said...

I can only imagine the helplessness and sorrow you must be feeling concerning Chad. I try to put myself in your position and it is almost unbearable to think of it. I know you must be worried sick about him. I hate that you have been put in that position. What a heavy cross to bear. I hope you find relief soon.

Eileen~ said...

I will pray that you can take comfort in the sweet part of the dream, remembering him and holding him close to you. The Lord gives us memories of both, doesn't He? The bitter and the sweet.

God Bless you both-Carol and Glenda-in your burdens while here.

Carol said...

Thanks for your kind words, Eileen. We all have a share of burdens and of many blessings. God knows best!

Glenda, saved by grace said...

Yes Thank you Eileen,and Carol too. I know that God is with Chad. He told me the other day, "I have'nt seen outside sunlight in so long, mama but I can hear the birds" and you just dont know the peace those words gave me, knowing that God has sent His messengers...the birds to comfort him, comforts me! Thanks for your comforting words and prayers.
Love ya,
Gendy