I had a dream last night about Adam and haven't been able to stop thinking about it today. I dream of him every so often and I'm so glad I do because I usually wake up feeling like I've had a visit with him. Usually in my dreams though, he is sick or I know he is going to die and won't be around for long, so I just want to hug and kiss him over and over. Last night I dreamed he was in some kind of institution and had been there for a long time. I went to visit him. I was feeling very bad for leaving him there for so long. (I think that long time represented the time that he has been gone from the earth). When I saw him, he was just laying in bed and was incoherent and I remember thinking his health was deteriorating and how could I have left him there for so long. I picked him up and hugged him for a long time. He was very soft and it felt so good to hug him, but I knew he was going to die soon. I decided to take him home with me to live and I still couldn't figure out why I had left him there, and I felt so awful for having done that. I loved him and missed him so. Why did I leave him in an institution? Why did I waste precious time of being with him that way? I just sat and held him at home. He felt so good and so sweet and he was so soft. But it was bittersweet because of my sorrow for wasting time and also that he was going to die. It seemed like the dream just went on and on that way and finally I woke up.
I really miss Adam today. Sure wish I could talk to him. It would be SO wonderful if I could.